If the thought of going home for the holidays brings forth some difficult emotions, you’re not alone. Family conflicts and a lack of boundaries can make some gatherings less than enjoyable.
Still, avoiding family gatherings isn’t your only option. Here are a few ways to set boundaries around holiday events.
Communicate your needs. This is the first step in boundary-setting. Decide what you need to feel comfortable and communicate that beforehand. Examples would be asking your grandparents not to comment on your relationship status or your dad not to ask about your job.
Decide on a time to leave beforehand. Having a set time to go will help you to enjoy your time with loved ones without wearing yourself out. Being around individuals you may not feel comfortable around can be exhausting, and boundaries will become more challenging the longer you’re there. Decide how much you can handle in advance and stick to that timeframe.
Come up with neutral topic changers. Topics like politics and the state of the world can quickly escalate emotions and lead to conflict. Try coming up with a few neutral subjects to bring up if a conversation starts to go in a controversial direction. An example of this would be a funny story about a pet or child, a new hobby you have recently started or even asking for the recipe of a dish served.
Practice compassion and empathy. It’s important to remember that we’re all human, and everyone makes mistakes. Maintaining healthy relationships relies on both parties practicing compassion, empathy and good communication.
Prepare for unsolicited comments. While you may express boundaries around topics you wish to avoid, others may ignore those requests. Prepare yourself to respond calmly by using phrases like “I would appreciate it if we didn’t discuss this,” or “please don’t comment on [issue].”
Another tip is to plan something you enjoy after the family gathering. Keeping boundaries in place can be difficult, so give yourself space to unwind and recenter yourself.