Holiday traditions and the emphasis on family and togetherness can make celebrations especially challenging for anyone grieving the loss of a loved one. Understanding the impact of grief, having open conversations, finding meaningful ways to honor memories and learning effective coping strategies can help restore a sense of balance and help those mourning find comfort and resilience.
Why grief is more challenging during holidays
The holiday season brings reminders of past traditions, family gatherings and shared memories that can accentuate the absence of a loved one. During holidays, people may experience an intensified sense of loss due to the unique emotional weight these celebrations carry.
Additionally, research reveals that the societal pressure to be “merry” can make individuals coping with grief feel out of step with the world around them. Unlike daily life, where grief may be more accepted, holidays impose expectations that can intensify sadness and heighten the sense of isolation and loneliness.
Symptoms of grief
Each person experiences grief uniquely, so symptoms and reactions can vary widely. Feelings may emerge at different times and in different ways with no set timetable or pattern. Grief affects not only emotions and daily interactions but also has physical impacts. You may notice:
Increased fatigue
Changes in eating or sleeping habits
A greater frequency of headaches or illness
Difficulty concentrating
Numbness or detachment
Increased anxiety or fear
Physical aches and pains
Feeling disconnected from spiritual or religious practices
These symptoms arise because the part of the brain that manages emotions and stress is highly active during grief, affecting normal brain function. Grieving can alter brain chemistry, impact hormone levels and even weaken the immune system.
Recognizing these effects can be an important step in understanding how grief impacts you.
Coping strategies
It is essential to be kind to yourself as you navigate through feelings of loss and grief during holidays.
Set boundaries. Remember that attending every holiday event isn’t necessary. Experts suggest only participating in activities that feel manageable. Find your own balance between participation and taking breaks, keeping in mind that your needs may vary greatly from others who may have also experienced loss.
Practice self-care. Acknowledge your grief is a natural response to loss. Recognizing your emotions helps alleviate the burden of adapting to holiday-related emotions. Make space for comfort or joy in ways that work for you. Seek out times to relax away from celebrations. Try to stay physically active, get enough sleep and eat healthy foods. Avoid habits that can put your health at risk, like drinking excessive amounts of alcohol or smoking.
Connect with a caring network. Draw friends and loved ones close and let them know if you need to talk. Spend time together and accept the assistance that is offered. Consider reaching out to a grief support group. Check with your local hospitals, religious communities and employee assistance programs to find a group in your area. Research shows talking with others who are also grieving helps process grief.
Have a Plan B. Create an option that works for you if you attempt to gather with others but become uncomfortable or stressed. Just knowing that Plan B is possible is comforting for many people.
Honor their memory. Finding ways to remember and honor lost loved ones over the holidays may be comforting. Creating new traditions, modifying old ones and developing strategies to put personal meanings around the loss can foster healing and help support those on their grief journey.
Seek professional assistance. Let your health care provider know if you are having trouble with everyday activities, like getting dressed, sleeping, fixing meals or being socially active.
Ways to honor loved ones
Navigating specific holidays can be challenging, but finding ways to remember and honor loved ones can help. Remember that you don't want to avoid your feelings of grief but cope with the pain. Here are ways you may give the loss a place in the holiday:
Thanksgiving, Christmas, Chanukah, Kwanzaa and New Years
Light a special candle for your loved one
Say a prayer before the meal
Share stories and photos
Gather at the gravesite before or after your celebration
Valentine's Day
Write a love letter to your deceased spouse, girlfriend or boyfriend
Light a candle
Share stories and photos with friends
Do something you loved to do together or visit your favorite restaurant
Create a memorial garden
Take flowers to their grave or place flowers around their urn at home
Mother’s Day and Father’s Day
Light a candle
Donate time or money in their name
Plant a tree
Do something you loved to do together
Make a favorite family recipe and share it with loved ones
Ask family members to share their favorite stories
Take flowers to their grave or place flowers around their urn at home
Remember, it's not how you remember your loved one, but that you take time to acknowledge them on the holiday. Above all, be patient with yourself. Mourning takes time. Accept that grief is very personal and you need to grieve in ways that feel natural to you. Do not judge or criticize yourself for not coping as well as others think you should.
Sources: National Library of Medicine, Hospice Foundation of America